


my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder

by orphan_account



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, Future Fic, Post-Episode: s02e08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 03:47:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8695192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Alex takes Maggie’s pause as an opportunity to take a real good look at her, it’s been years.She still dresses the same, which is a silly thought for Alex to have. It’s not like it’s a requirement to dress like a noir reject in Gotham.(Or, spur of the moment decisions don't always work out. Maggie and Alex meet again years later.)





	

 

The last place Alex Danvers wants to be standing is a dark alley in Gotham. She doesn’t want to be in Gotham period but this particular stench-filled alley isn’t a highlight of a city filled with lowlights. From the crappy diner she’d stopped at with soggy pancakes to the convenience store that didn’t have her favorite beer. Of all the places she’s had to chase a case to it had to be this place.

But this is where Winn’s ping tracked the last known location of their person of interest so here she is. Turning in circles searching for some little clue that she must have missed. She’s scoured what seems like every inch of this damn alley and nothing.

Cadmus was long gone but the alien tech they’d stolen and scattered across National City remained the treasure trove for many a low life criminal. This time a cache of alien weapons so powerful they could take down a skyscraper in a single blast fell into the wrong hands.

Hands that fled National City right when the DEO got a beat on them and fled all of the way to Gotham and left a mostly cold trail. If it wasn’t for the algorithm she and Winn worked out they’d be completely lost but even that can only take them so far and they’ve reached another dead end.

Literally.

She pulls out her phone and hits the fourth speed dial.

“Winn,” Alex is thankful he answers on the first ring, the last thing she has right now is patience. “It’s a dead end. Tell me you’ve got another lead.”

*

In Winn’s defense, he did say that Alex wouldn’t like his lead. In defense of killing him for not giving her a more specific warning, Alex is standing across from Maggie Sawyer. Only an intake desk separating the two of them. She briefly considers turning around and walking out and pretending she’s dreaming or concussed and this never happened.

Instead, Alex takes Maggie’s pause as an opportunity to take a real good look at her, it’s been years.

She still dresses the same, which is a silly thought for Alex to have. It’s not like it’s a requirement to dress like a noir reject in Gotham. 

(Though it’s not like that stops people either.) 

Still, she’s the same and yet everything is just a little bit off. Her jeans look worn and not in that artificial expensive way, her button down is unbuttoned at the top and only partially tucked in. And that leather jacket, Alex recognizes it immediately even though it too has faded from its previous luster.

But then again, so did they.

She’s rakish in that sort of unkempt way that Alex thought only happens to movie cops who’ve been around the block one too many times. Hardened by a corrupt system and leaning a bit too hard on the bottle. Of course she’s still beautiful but Alex squashes that thought before it has a chance to coalesce into a conscious notion to do something stupid.

Like fucking say that to Maggie.

“Alex,” Maggie finally finds her voice. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Alex bites her tongue on all of the comments she wants to make because this is Maggie’s precinct and ‘no, I suppose you wouldn’t after you left’ doesn’t seem appropriate.

Maggie’s eyes are big and glassy and Alex has the brief thought that Maggie might try to apologize right then and there and Alex doesn’t even want to touch that sort of wishful thinking with a ten foot pole. 

So she transitions to the case because when it comes to work they speak the same language, always have. She pulls out her phone and opens up a picture of the man she’s looking for. “I’ve heard you dealt with him in the past. Do you have any idea where he’d hide out around here?”

Maggie swallows hard and bites the inside of her cheek. She holds out her hand and Alex puts the phone in her hand. Maggie stares at the picture and crinkles her eyebrows. She hands Alex back the phone and shoves her hands in her pockets. “There’s an abandoned warehouse downtown. I had him cornered there once but he has powerful friends and managed to get away.”

Maggie stops and her hands clench in her pockets. Alex shoves her phone in her pocket and turns to leave.

“Wait, you won’t find him there.” Maggie calls out and Alex lets out a steady breath before turning back around. “He’s got powerful friends like Roulette had powerful friends.” The euphemism is clear enough in National City terms and Alex remembers all the stories Maggie told her years ago about the corruption in Gotham. “I don’t have a current location.”

Being reminded of working that case with Maggie, their hands laced together. The way Maggie had looked in her dress. The gut punch of seeing Maggie kiss another woman. Alex shoves it down with the rest of the memories of the two of them and focuses.

“I can help,” Maggie rushes out seeing the pain flash in Alex’s eyes. “I’ve been trying to get this guy for years. Our resources combined? We can put him away.”

Maggie doesn’t even know why they need to put him away. The crack in her voice indicates that she knows he still has the same powerful friends and putting him away is a pipe dream anyway.

Alex knows that she should say no. The last thing she needs right now when her life is finally going well again is to work with Maggie. The last thing she needs is to ease open those cracks she sealed with drunken stupors and sister nights with Kara and throwing herself into work. It’s the last thing she needs so it doesn’t make sense why she walks back toward Maggie.

It doesn’t make sense when she lets Maggie lead her further into the precinct and sit them down at her desk. And it sure as hell doesn’t make sense that she reads Maggie into the case and weakens a little as her eyes light up, the way they always did when it came to police work.

“--that’s what I got.” Maggie finishes and Alex realizes she wasn’t listening at all.

Maggie grabs her keys and Alex follows her and doesn’t even really know where they’re going.

*

_ “So you’re saying you like me. That’s what I got.” Alex feels like her insides are on fire from the feeling of Maggie’s lips on hers but still, she’s got to check. After kissing Maggie and getting rejected and agreeing to being friends she has to make sure this isn’t some sort of dream. The Black Mercy or something equally as cruel. _

_ Maggie laughs and Alex can’t put on the brakes any longer. She doesn’t know how she went through her entire life without feeling something like this. Their lips come together and Alex feels like the world finally makes sense. Maggie’s change of heart is the most welcome surprise she’s ever felt - no matter how sudden or fueled by Maggie’s realization of mortality. _

_ Once she’s kissed Maggie and Maggie’s kissed her back she can’t think of anything else she wants to do. It’s all that she can think about once they finally stop kissing (against her counter, against her wall, on her couch, against her door) and Maggie forces herself to go home. Forces herself because she doesn’t want to rush things. Life’s too short to not kiss the girl but it’s not so short that they have to speed through this thing sparking between them. _

_ Alex goes to work the next day and she just feels different. She wonders if anyone else can tell that her entire world is flipped on its head but they’re all so busy dealing with their own things. _

_ It’s just as well because it gives her more time to be with Maggie. _

_ They work cases together, they do paperwork too close, they flirt over dead bodies and Alex pretends not to notice Kara’s chipper-slash-mildly disgusted at the cuteness looks. _

_ And when it’s just them Alex feels simultaneously more in and out of control than she’s ever felt in her whole life. She’s never wanted someone like this and she can’t get enough. _

_ They spend so much time kissing, Maggie straddling Alex’s lap. Alex pushing Maggie’s hair behind her ears and taking a moment to study her face. Wondering how she got so lucky that somebody so beautiful, so strong, so everything wants to be with her. _

_ Alex doesn’t know how they became one of those annoying, schmoopy couples but she doesn’t mind when Maggie keeps her hand in Alex’s back pocket. She endures the playful gagging from Winn and James and Kara and puts her hand in Maggie’s back pocket too just for the hell of it. Because she’s Maggie’s and Maggie’s hers and why the hell wouldn’t she want the world to know about that? _

_ They kiss and kiss and touch until it’s not enough anymore. No two people have that much self control.  _

_ The first time they have sex, the first time Maggie, hell, the first time anyone but herself gives her an orgasm it makes Alex cry. She covers her face and cries and Maggie kisses away the tears, smiling that million watt smile at Alex and this? This is what happiness feels like. _

_ Alex isn’t sure how life could get any better than this. _

*

Alex learns fairly quickly that being a good cop means something a little bit different in Gotham than it does in National City. Or maybe Maggie’s just a different cop than she was in National City. Regardless, Alex is almost certain it’s not kosher to rough up a confidential informant. Maggie doesn’t look at Alex before she starts and she barely looks at Alex after she’s bloodied up his nose and given him quite the black eye.

They get a location off of him and Maggie slips her a couple big bills and sends him on his way. Alex sees the cracked skin on Maggie’s knuckles and her medical training wants to do something to help her but the rest of her is frozen in her tracks.

Maggie opens the trunk of her car and pulls out a small plastic box. Alex finds her feet and takes it gently from Maggie’s hands. It’s full of antiseptic and bandages and a small travel sized bottle of Jack Daniels. Alex can guess which of those three didn’t come with the original packaging.

“Let me,” Alex takes the plastic box from Maggie’s hands and opens it up. Maggie holds out her hands and it’s just like it used to be except Alex used to patch up Maggie’s wounds from protecting people.

Not this, never this.

Maggie winces as Alex dabs the rubbing alcohol over the cuts with a cotton ball, they cuts aren’t as bloody as they are dirty. When she’s done she thinks about bandages but they’ll probably heal better in the open air. From the scars on Maggie’s hands this isn’t the first time.

Instead she hands Maggie the Jack Daniels and makes quick work of closing up the first aid kit. Maggie’s still staring down at the little bottle, Alex turns away and heads toward the passenger side of the car. She doesn’t see Maggie drink it but she hears the distinctive small crack of a fresh bottle opening and the light clink of a plastic bottle hitting the pavement.

Maggie gets into the car and puts her key into the ignition. There’s an unspoken agreement to not mention what’s just happening and Alex is all the better for that. The sooner they solve this case, the sooner she can get out of here.

They drive in silence to the location and Alex is unsurprised to find it’s a seedy dive bar because of course it is.

He’s not there because of course he’s not. This case is frustrating dead end after frustrating cold lead and Alex is about ready to follow Maggie’s lead and start smacking heads together when Maggie puts a steadying hand on her arm.

Alex freezes.

Maggie orders them two whiskeys, cheap well whiskey, and steers them into the back corner of the bar.

Alex doesn’t think too hard about it, she takes a long pull of her drink and watches as Maggie follows suit. It’s easier when they don’t have to talk about how these routines are so easy to fall back into.

Like a magnet Alex follows the curl of Maggie’s fingers around her glass when she takes another drink, follows the hypnotic path of her tongue as she licks excess whiskey off of her lips.

No.

No.

She looks down at her own drink to avoid studying things she absolutely has no need to think about.

“I--,” Maggie starts and thinks better of it, drains her whiskey and goes to get another one leaving Alex at the table. They drove here together and Alex has no idea where she is in this fucking city but she could just leave. Nothing is stopping her.

Except Maggie sits down again with a glass that looks like she’s already drained off the top in the time it took her to walk from the bar to their corner booth.

“I should go back to National City.” Alex blurts out because she’s starting to feel something dangerous about this situation. It’s no equivalence in real life terms but to her sitting here with Maggie, alcohol coursing through their bloodstreams, feels more dangerous than deadly alien tech falling into the wrong hands. “The trail is clearly cold.”   
  
“No!” Maggie blurts out, clearing her throat and relaxing her shoulders into practiced indifference. “I just mean, it’s not cold yet. We’ve just hit a minor set back. Come on, Danvers, you’re not afraid of a little challenge.”

It’s plain as day to see that Maggie’s goading her with a challenge knowing damn well that Alex can’t back down. It’s plain as day and Alex knows that she should stand up, call whatever the hell is the equivalent of an uber in this city, and leave. Never look back, send some other DEO agent back to Gotham to pick up the trail because she’s not the only one in that organization.

That’s what she should do.

Instead she clenches her teeth together so hard it feels like she’s going to grind them to chalk and nods curtly. Maggie smirks, so subtle that if Alex wasn’t looking for that exact thing she’d miss it. Alex used to love that smirk.

Now it feels like she’s caught in a web that she’s not sure she wants to escape from.

“There’s so much I want to know.” Maggie says like she’s not sure if she even wanted Alex to hear her.

“Then you should have stayed.” Alex spits out before she can censor herself, she relishes the kicked puppy look on Maggie’s face. The one that only comes out when she’s a special combination of unguarded (drunk) and hurt (by Alex).

Maggie tips her chin down as if to acknowledge that she deserved that. But she doesn’t say she’s sorry so Alex guesses she can’t be that drunk yet.

“How’s Kara?” Maggie tries probing from a different angle like the skilled detective she is. She knows Alex can always talk about Kara, no matter what.

So Alex does and that lasts them both another drink as talking about Kara transitions into talking about Winn and James and J’onn and the DEO. It’s safe, it’s almost as close to neutral as Alex can get.

Then Maggie gets halfway into another glass and asks in a small voice if Alex has someone.

Alex forces herself stoic and bites down on her tongue to avoid asking where Maggie thinks she has the right to ask. She left, she left Alex thinks, and she doesn’t get to ask.

“There is.” Alex says curtly because just because Maggie doesn’t have the right to ask doesn’t mean Alex doesn’t have the right to answer with the truth.

Doesn’t mean that Alex doesn’t have the right to feel pleased at the way that Maggie’s entire face drops like she was hoping that somehow Alex had waited for years for her. Even if it makes Alex feel dirty for using her relationship with Rebecca like that.

“Oh,” Maggie doesn’t speak for a few moments like she’s rolling through something. Finally she forces her lips to turn up but her eyes don’t sparkle. “I’m so happy for you.”

They always sparkle when she smiles at Alex.

*

_ “I’m so happy for you, Alex.” Maggie’s eyes light up and even though Alex is cancelling on their date she is truly, genuinely happy for Alex. They’ve finally got another lead on Jeremiah and Maggie knows how much this means to Alex, how long she’s been searching for her father after Kara saw him alive. _

_ What’s an anniversary compared to that? _

_ It’s not like Maggie is going to try to compete with Alex’s father, that’s not a thing that you do. Especially when said father and daughter have such a tragic, ripped from a Hollywood script backstory and they’re oh so close to getting that happy ending. There is absolutely no competing with that. _

_ Alex rushes off the phone because she’s leading the infiltration team and Maggie turns off the oven. She can make them dinner another night. _

_ It’s no big deal. _

_ Not at all. _

_ There’s a knock on her door at two am and Alex is crumpled in Maggie’s arms in tears before Maggie can even ask what’s wrong. Not that she needs to ask. They’ve been here too many times before. _

_ Another lead, another dead end. Rinse, repeat, regurgitate, and Alex is crying in her arms again. Nobody ever said it would be easy but Maggie curses whatever cruel twist of fate that’s made it this fucking hard. _

_ Every single time Alex fails to find Jeremiah she throws herself a little harder into her work and a little further away from Maggie. All Maggie wants to do is be there for her but Alex can’t see her trying, doesn’t want to see her trying. Maggie understands, she really does. _

_ She really really does. _

_ So what if Alex misses more dates than she shows up to? She always calls and she always has a good reason. Plus, how lucky is Maggie to have a girlfriend who understands when she has to work? Who doesn’t think she’s married to a job or a sociopath. _

_ So what if Alex is too tired for anything more than a few quick kisses, maybe a little groping, but then she’s back on her computer. Back researching, back searching, back to tracking down the next lead on Jeremiah. Maggie gets it, she’s got her own cases to work on. She’s never had paperwork cleared off her desk like she does now. _

_ Maggie’s parents fly in to National City from Blue Springs to meet this woman that their daughter won’t shut up about, to meet this woman that’s had Maggie with the same person for over a year now. Her mom won’t stop gushing about engagements and grandchildren and Maggie has to slow her roll even though her stomach flutters at the idea of it. _

_ Kara sets them up with reservations at the nicest Italian restaurant in National City - she’d saved the owners cat from a tree and is graciously using her favor on Alex. _

_ Maggie puts on this green dress that is modest enough for her parents but she knows catches her eyes just right and drives Alex crazy. They show up fifteen minutes before the reservation because Maggie’s nervous and her parents are excited and something had to give. _

_ Alex calls to say she’s going to be a little late and Maggie smiles and jokes with her parents about the busy life of a research scientist. _

_ An hour passes by and Alex doesn’t show up and she doesn’t call. Maggie excuses herself to the restroom with a forced smile that you only need to be a parent to see through. _

_ The phone rings three times before Alex picks up with a distracted ‘Danvers’. _

_ “Oh good, you’re alive, I don’t feel so bad about being pissed at you now.” Maggie spits out because Alex can be aloof and she can be dedicated to her work but she’s never been an asshole before. _

_ Well, before now. _

_ Maggie can almost hear the gears spinning in Alex’s head, she doesn’t have to be there to see the straightening of Alex’s spine, the nervous tapping of her fingers against her workstation. “I’m so sorry, Maggie, I lost track of time I can be there in half an hour. It’s just we’re so close--” _

_ “To finding Jeremiah, I know.” Maggie loves Alex and she understands Alex but just this once she’s going to allow herself to be selfish and be mad about this. “But I thought for one night you could show up and meet my parents.” Maggie shakes her head. “I really really wanted you to meet my parents, Alex.” _ __  
_  
_ __ “I’m--”

_ “Sorry, heard you the first time.” Maggie snaps. “You know what, don’t worry about it. I know you’re busy.” _

_ She hangs up the phone and longs for the old flip phones, she really longs for something more dramatic and audibly furious than a smartphone can provide. _

_ Maggie goes back out there and lies through her teeth to her parents about an accident at the lab. Assures her that everything is fine even if she can tell they don’t believe her. _

_ It would help if she believed herself. _

*

They stumble back to Maggie’s apartment, Alex allowing Maggie to take the lead because she’s wasted and doesn’t know where she is so what’s the point. Maggie takes hold of her hand and Alex lets her and doesn’t think about it too hard.

It takes a few tries, a few dropped keys, and a couple of tries with Maggie squinting like this is rocket science to line the proper key up with the proper lock. The door opens and Alex is hit with the brick wall of memory lane.

Logically she knows this isn’t Maggie’s old apartment in National City but it might as fucking well be. It’s the same furniture and the same clothes thrown in the same places. The same half bar/half apartment vibe with bottles, empty and full, strewn about on tables and counters. Hell, Alex isn’t so stupid to think those are the exact same case files thrown on the couch but they might as well be.

Maggie stumbles forward and mumbles something like ‘I’ll get those’ but less intelligible. Alex gets the picture when she grabs an arm full of case files and plops them on the counter in between two empty beer bottles.

Alex leans against the wall half to get her bearings and half because this nostalgic feeling is so heady she can barely breath let alone function.

It would be so easy to fool herself into thinking this is years ago and they’re together and nothing ever went wrong. So easy to convince herself to cross over to where Maggie is futily trying to clean up the place like she always tried to straighten up her place. So easy to go over and stand behind her and use her height advantage to kiss down Maggie’s neck, to rest her hands on Maggie’s hips, to unbutton Maggie’s jeans and slide her hand--

No.

Alex blinks a few times and Maggie’s clinking glasses around in her cabinet, flipping on the tap, and then she manages to carry two glasses of water over to Alex. Hands one to her and holds out her hand to place two tylenol tablets in Alex’s other hand.

Maggie takes her tylenol dry and sips a little bit of water after, Alex does the same.

Just like old times.

And just like old times Maggie is too close for comfort and all of those thoughts Alex shouldn’t be having course right through her mind. It would be so easy.

Alex licks her own lips and stares down at Maggie’s, looks down to where her button down shirt mysteriously has come undone a few more buttons. Alex is almost certain it wasn’t like that in the bar and it wasn’t like that on their walk home and it wasn’t like that when Maggie opened the door.

Alex blinks again and tries to think through the whiskey fog and tries to think past Maggie looking up at her with those eyes. Fastidiously tries not to look down Maggie’s strategically opened buttons, swallows hard on nothing, and then remembers the water in her hand.

She chugs that and knows her stomach will regret it in the morning but for right now it’s something to do. It’s something to ground her and get something other than whiskey and want flowing through her.

They’re almost flush together and Alex doesn’t remember them getting so close. She could reach out and loop her fingers in waistband of Maggie’s jeans, pull her that final few inches, and get what she’s been missing for so long.

No.

This isn’t what she’s here for, she remembers, she’s here for the case and she’s here for the night and then they’ll solve this thing. She has Rebecca, she’s finally happy again, her life is finally functioning again.

Alex uses the last of her resolve and moves far enough away from Maggie that drunk or not they both get the message.

“I’ll be on the couch.” Alex says and goes to lay on it.

Her head spins with how quickly she flops down on the couch and she keeps her eyes pressed painfully closed until she hears Maggie’s bedroom door shut softly.

Alex opens her eyes and her whole world is spinning.

*

_ Her father is hugging her, he’s spinning her in circles, and Alex doesn’t even have half the mind to feel dizzy. Or embarrassed that she’s almost 30 and she’s letting her dad pick her up like she’s a little girl. She’s too elated for dizziness, too elated to feel anything but overjoyed. After all these years, he was dead. Well, he was never dead but he was dead to her. Dead to them. And then he was alive but he was lost. _

_ She found him, she finally found him. _

_ Alex’s feet touch the ground but she still feels like she’s floating in midair. There’s so much she wants to know, so much she wants to tell him, there’s so much. _

_ She starts rattling off questions and facts and tells him who won the World Series for the last twenty years like that’s something he would want to know but it's a random fact and for some reason on the forefront of her consciousness and it’s just a small dig into the mountain of things they have to catch up on. _

_ Jeremiah pulls her into another hug and kisses her on the forehead and tells her that he loves her and says they have time. They have all the time in the world. _

_ For the first time in months Alex let’s herself slow down and believe that. _

_ After hours and hours of debriefing Jeremiah and finding out everything he knows, making sure he’s no cyborg or clone or any of the other weird things they’ve encountered at the DEO, J’onn officially clears Jeremiah. They share a hug and Alex hears Jeremiah whisper ‘thanks for taking care of my girls’, J’onn squeezes his hand and responds back ‘like they were my own’. _

_ Alex wants to cry right then but she waits until they get back to Kara’s apartment. Kara opens the door before they even knock and her glassy eyes set Alex off. Eliza’s on the couch, deer in headlights like she almost can’t believe it. They reunite, kiss like it’s been the decades that it has and Alex can’t even find it in herself to feel grossed out. _

_ Maggie’s hanging back in the kitchen and Alex notices her on the periphery of all of the commotion. She lets Eliza and Jeremiah have their moment and goes over to her girl. _

_ “Thank you,” She pulls Maggie into a hug and they both know what Alex is thanking her for. All of the long nights, the flakiness, missing dinner with her parents, everything that culminated in this. Jeremiah finally coming home where he belongs. “I couldn’t have done this without you.” _

_ “You could have,” Maggie says softly right next to Alex’s ear and Alex forces herself not to shiver. “But I’m glad you didn’t.” _

*

They’re both hungover in the morning but not as hungover as they could been if they didn’t drink the water and take tylenol. Alex is at least thankful for that because she couldn’t do this hungover. Working a frustrating case is hard enough, working a frustrating case with your ex who you were one drink or a few inches away from making a huge mistake with is a whole other animal.

One she doesn’t want to tackle with a pounding headache.

It doesn’t help that Maggie never looks as shitty as Alex knows they both feel. Alex tries to smooth out the crinkles in the same clothes she’s been wearing, the clothes she slept it but Maggie has home turf advantage.

If she thinks Alex looks like garbage she doesn’t say a word. Just grabs her keys and expects Alex to follow her.

Alex considers calling Winn or J’onn or even Kara, maybe especially Kara. Kara could be here in seconds and fly her out of this place just as quickly. J’onn could send another agent and save Alex from this. Winn is just easy to poke fun at and Alex could use that about now.

Maggie takes them to this corner taqueria that apparently sells the best coffee and breakfast tacos in the whole of Gotham. Alex wants to be petulant and spit out there’s no way that it beats their old favorite place in National City but she doesn’t have the energy. Something in her wants to hit Maggie with another petty shot. See her face fall like when she confirmed that she’d moved on.

But Maggie already looks so tentative to be sharing this with her and maybe Alex doesn’t have to remind her of their past. Maybe Maggie left but she never forgot.

Plus the coffee and the tacos are damn good, better than their place even, and maybe that’s one good thing about Gotham.

It gets them enough fuel to pound the pavement for hours on end. This time Alex roughs somebody up because she’s tired of sideways answers and talking in circles and leads that don’t go anywhere. She’s tired of sitting in a car with a woman who used to know everything about her who can’t form a proper non-stilted sentence in her direction.

She’s just plain tired.

Alex is smart about it, doesn’t bust open her knuckles like Maggie did. Doesn’t leave any trace really but as it turns out her fists turn up some credible information. A penthouse downtown controlled by some guy who calls himself the Penguin.

Maggie freezes up at the name and tells Alex it would be best to call in backup, and lots of it. Alex doesn’t see the point of being afraid of some guy who would name himself after a zoo animal but the one thing she still trusts about Maggie is her policing instincts.

For the most part.

They sit at a diner while Maggie calls in their information and Alex allows Maggie to brief her on what they’re going up against.

“Oswald Cobblepot, otherwise known as Penguin, likes to think of himself as a gentleman of crime but he’s just as rotten as the rest of them.” Maggie laughs to herself and takes an inelegant bite of her sandwich. “Just in a better suit.”

Alex listens to Maggie go on about Penguin and wonders what a guy so civilized could be doing with the alien tech he stole. A man who prides himself on being so civilized doesn’t seem like the type to want to randomly destroy city infrastructure.

Then there’s the fact that Alex showed Maggie his picture yesterday and despite the fact that she clearly is a Penguin encyclopedia she didn’t say a word about it. Alex doesn’t need three guesses why and it just makes her want to solve this case even faster and get the hell out of town.   


*

_ Maggie gets the offer from Gotham PD and turns them down immediately. It’s not a promotion, it’s barely a step up in pay, and she’s happy in National City. She’s got Alex, she’s got friend, she’s built a whole life here. Commissioner Gordon sighs and she can almost imagine his fatherly smile, she doesn’t miss it as much as she did when she first came to National City. _

_ He tells her the offer is always open and Maggie takes it with a grain of salt. She doesn’t need it. _

_ The thing about it is Maggie’s never let herself feel this happy. Back in Gotham there were women, of course there were, and maybe somewhere in there she liked some of them. Maybe she even liked some of them a lot but not enough to stay when she got the offer in National City. _

_ Then there was Darla and that was fun, a lot of fun, and it helped her get her bearings. Then there was Abby who she thought she was building something with against all rationality, Abby who she kissed in front of Alex. Abby who called her a sociopath and a workaholic and tore her down when all she had to do was leave and Maggie would have understood. _

_ She’s done it herself after all. _

_ But all of that stopped mattering when she met Alex, except she couldn’t erase Abby’s words. She couldn’t erase all of the thoughts she’d forced down about herself that bubbled to the surface. She couldn’t hide her fear that Alex didn’t really want her, she just wanted someone and Maggie was there. _

_ Then that all changed, Alex changed that for her, and Maggie doesn’t want to look back. _

_ Maggie had thought she was shiny and new and the sheen would wear off at some point. She’s been there and been that person for people. But not Alex. _

_ Never Alex. _

_ Except Jeremiah comes back and Alex is so happy. Maggie is so happy that Alex is happy because that’s all she wants. There’s nothing better than Alex’s smile, Maggie would bet everything on that. _

_ So things weren’t great while Alex was looking for Jeremiah, they’ll put a bandaid on all of those bullet wounds but he’s been found. It’s done. And things go back to normal. _

_ As normal as things ever are in National City when you’re a cop dating a DEO Agent who just happens to be Supergirl’s big sister. _

_ They go out more and Alex remembers, she shows up on time. She finally meets Maggie’s parents and they love her just a little less than they would if she’d showed up the first time but it’s enough. Maggie feels like her heart is going to burst she never thought she’d finally settle down but here she is. _

_ But just like a bandaid can’t actually fix a bullet wound, Maggie finds things slipping back to the way they were when Alex was scouring the world for Jeremiah. Only this time Jeremiah’s been found and there’s no excuse to be found. _

_ Maggie finds herself holding on to Alex more until it starts to feel like she’s clinging on to her. Maggie’s not a clinger, she’s never been a clinger. She’s the one who women cling to, she’s the one that’s distant, she’s the one that pulls away. _

_ But it’s like there’s been a fundamental shift in the universe and Maggie isn’t privy to the rules of this new world order. Kara once told them about the multiverse and Barry Allen and Earth-One and how he was always running back in time to change the timeline. Nothing too major, nothing that you’d notice immediately but minute changes. Minute changes that change everything. _

_ Maggie almost asks Kara to get in contact with him, ask if he’s come to this Earth and changed something significant. _

_ Because something has changed and Maggie can’t put her finger on it. But Alex doesn’t feel as hungry for her as she used to. They fuck but it’s just that, it’s fucking. Maggie wants to pour everything she has into fixing this and she does and she does and she wonders when she became that girl. _

_ She wants to ask Kara to call Barry Allen and take Maggie back to being the person who knew this would happen. Who knew that first relationships never work out, who knew that Alex could be her final love when she was Alex’s first. _

_ That’s the thing about firsts, there’s usually a second. _

_ Alex leaves in the middle of their second anniversary dinner for an alien attack in the Warehouse District with a quick kiss and love you and doesn’t even ask Maggie to tag along as backup. _

_ There’s nothing wrong with the timeline. Nobody, not Barry Allen or Supergirl or fucking Batman can fix what’s broken. Maggie isn’t shiny anymore, Alex has outgrown her. Occam’s razor. _

_ Maggie calls Commissioner Gordon when Alex doesn’t come back even when the news shows that the alien attack has long since been handled. Sometimes you have to take a few steps backward to move forward. _

_ She accepts the job and breaks her own heart before Alex can. _

*

In the end, it’s not much of a confrontation. Alex was hoping for a bit more of a confrontation, she could have used a fight. Shoot some things or people, she’s not particular at this point after this much fucking hassle. Instead Penguin merely hands over the weapons with a shrug and a ‘Until next time, Detective Sawyer’. He barely even glances at Alex which is probably the most infuriating part of it all.

Maggie is steaming once he hands over the tech and mumbling about how she’ll pin down that bastard one day.

This is where Alex should leave, she’s gotten what she came for. The tech is properly sealed away and on its way back to DEO where they’ll properly dispose of it. But there’s always something about seeing Maggie upset that makes her want to make it better.

It’s not her job anymore to make it better but when has that ever stopped her before.

Maggie’s pacing by her car and Alex allows herself to watch for a second. She remembers the first time she ever saw Maggie Sawyer, their charged squabbling over jurisdiction, Maggie’s wry smile like she knew something about Alex that Alex didn’t.

She did and for all the pain she’s gone through, Alex wouldn’t trade meeting Maggie for the world.

Even when it ended like that.

Maggie turns and catches Alex staring, Alex holds her gaze because she’s feeling brave and more than a little bit stupid.

“Hey Sawyer, how about a drink for the road?” Alex forces every bit of their old bravado and banter into the offer and it’s worth it for the faintest crack of a smile on Maggie’s face.

She shouldn’t care, it shouldn’t make her feel good. 

Alex lets Maggie pick the bar and vaguely recognizes the neighborhood, they’re right by Maggie’s apartment.

Maggie orders the first round and she’s quiet, quieter than Alex is comfortable with. Alex’s phone starts buzzing in her pocket and she pulls it out. It’s Rebecca. Alex can’t help a small smile before she hits the lock button and puts her phone back in her pocket.

“That was her, wasn’t it?” The quirk of Maggie’s cheek tells Alex she already knows the answer to that question. Maggie takes another pull of her drink. “You used to look at me like that.”

And there it is. Neither of them are drunk enough to go there but here they are.

“You left me for Gotham.” Alex chases that admonishment with a long drink. The burn of the alcohol helps her ignore Maggie’s wounded face. She has no right to be wounded, Alex is the one who had to see her walk away.

“I left you for,” Maggie scoffs and shakes her head. “You think I left you for a city? Is that what you really think?”

“That’s not what I think, that’s what happened,” Alex figures if they’re going to fight it might as well be a knockdown drag out. “We were fine and you left.”   
  
Maggie sets down her glass heavier than she needs to, the sound reverberates and a few people look their way. “You were pulling away from me long before I left. I left before you could leave me.”

Alex tries to rack her brain for what Maggie could possibly be talking about. Yeah, she was busy but she was looking for her father and then she had her father back. Maybe she could have been around more but she gave Maggie everything she could have possibly given her. She never meant to pull away.

“So you’re a coward,” Alex spits out because she’s starting to feel a buzz and that buzz is sharpening her words for her.

Maggie looks like Alex could have shot her and it would have hurt less. “Rather be a coward than forgotten.” Maggie drains her glass and nods towards Alex’s phone in her pocket. “Though I guess I’m both.”

She throws some money on the table and stands up. “I’m sure you can find your way back to National City.”

It’s an out, Alex knows it’s an out and she watches as Maggie moves towards the exit of the bar. This is the part in the movie where the soft music swells and Alex does the right thing. She gets the hell out of Gotham, she goes home to her family, and she goes to Rebecca and she does the right thing.

Or maybe Alex got the wrong script because she drains her drink, throws her own cash on the table, and follows Maggie.

Maggie’s just out the door, walking fast and not looking back like as long as she doesn’t look back she doesn’t have to know if Alex chased after her or not.

“Hey!” Alex calls out, using her longer legs to her advantage. She pulls on Maggie’s arm and stops her momentum. “Maggie, stop.”

Maggie does stop, maybe for want of keeping her shoulder in socket. She stops and turns and she’s too close to Alex. Alex had a reason for following Maggie, a perfectly rational reason that involved talking out their issues and figure out which of their two sided story was closest to the fucking truth.

She definitely had a plan like that but then she’s hit with a wave of deja vu. The first time she ever grabbed Maggie’s arm, the first time Maggie spun into her like this, and Alex had kissed her like she was Icarus flying right into the sun. She’d gotten burned that day and thought she’d never heal.

Maggie had burned her again years later and Alex thought she’d never recover from that either.

But now Maggie’s so close and they’re both basically sober and there’s no excuse for what’s about to happen but they both lean in.

This isn’t the sweet kiss of first love. It’s a hungry mashing together of lips, Alex tastes the whiskey on Maggie’s lips or maybe that’s just leftover on hers. It’s too hard to tell and thinking is not something she wants to do too much of. 

Alex kisses Maggie like she hates her and loves her and wants to fuck her and maybe it’s all three. No, it’s definitely all three.

Maggie gives as good as she’s getting and it’s unspoken as she leads Alex around the corner and up a flight of stairs.

It’s not difficult to get in the door this time and Alex has Maggie pressed up against the inside of the door, keys dropped somewhere near the inside to be found at a later date.

Maggie absently locks the bottom lock and Alex shucks her own shirt over her head and leans back in to kiss Maggie. Nothing about any of this makes any sense, the only sense that Alex can make is Maggie’s lips. Maggie pulls back and pulls off her own shirt, looks at Alex and gives her one last chance to stop this before they fuck everything all of the way.

Alex doesn’t take her chance, she’s on this train to nothing good, and she’s about to miss her stop.

At least Maggie’s going there with her.

*

There’s four missed calls from Rebecca on her phone and Alex counts at least double the marks from Maggie’s teeth on her body. They’d fucked and yelled and cried and yelled and fucked again until they both laid there, laid bare, and passed out.

Alex traced every inch of Maggie’s body, nearly couldn’t go on when she traced her lips over the scar on Maggie’s shoulder from the night that sent them hurtling into this mess.

Maggie’s still sleeping, she’s always been a paradoxically heavy sleeper for a cop. Alex looks at her hair, fanned out over the pillow, and if she squints she can almost imagine them doing this the right way. A world where Alex noticed she was getting distant, a world where Alex realized she was proving Maggie’s worst fears right. A world where Maggie talked to her instead of silently suffering until they were beyond repair instead of taking a job in Gotham and leaving.

A world where Alex isn’t cheating and doesn’t have to go. She longs to reach out and brush Maggie’s hair out of her eyes, kiss her forehead, wake up her, and get breakfast at the taqueria.

She wants to stay.

She knows she can’t.  

Now she’s carefully slipping out of bed, gathering her clothes and putting on what she can find. She’s down a sock and her underwear are nowhere to be found but she’s got two shoes. Her wallet and her phone.

There’s no satisfaction in leaving Maggie without saying goodbye but she’s already fucked up enough for one lifetime. And they’re not the people they were when they were good for each other.

And if the past is prologue, there’s a small part of Alex that hopes they can still rewrite the end of their narrative. This is a shitty chapter to leave things on.

(At least Alex gets to be the one who leaves this time.)

*

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Lover, You Should've Come Over by Jeff Buckley.


End file.
